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so dave and sam invited a few well-heeled philanthropes for pizza and pinot grigio in their swish downing street living quarters to show their appreciation for helping him to nearly win an election which frankly should have been an open goal anyway.

swipe me, what a turn-up! i’d have been more surprised if he hadn’t invited them: it’d be rude not to, surely? anyway he wants another crack in 2015 doesn’t he?

no the story here is twofold.

firstly, the hapless bookie who was filmed trying to flog access to our charismatic leader. forgive my inadequate paraphrase, but if i recall his pitch was along the lines of “form an orderly queue here and don’t even bother unless you’re seriously well-wedged and don’t mind parting with plenty of it sharpish”. how charming.

how could an individual of such unfeasible acumen and experience do something so stupid? i really have only two printable words for him: stephen byers. oh go on then two more: sarah ferguson. give me strength.

second, and more importantly, the matter of cameron’s judgement. an early bad sign was the appointment of “andy” coulson. personally i would never put anybody who styled himself “andy” in preference to an adult name in charge of anything more important than the prime ministerial lavatory paper, even if i’d been sad enough to style myself “dave”.

and what about emma harrison, his “families tsar”. never mind the missed targets, feel the £8.6m dividend.

grow-up man! it’s all so tacky and embarrassing. there, feed that through to the no 10 policy unit.

oh, while i’m here, i found myself wondering, long overdue i admit, whether sam and dave like to cut a rug at their select soirees? and if so do they like good music?

beware of greeks negotiating in bad faith with the charming angela and nicholas? surely not?

(can’t be bothered to crowbar-in olive branches or wooden horses, sozz) anyway here’s those proposed referendum options in full:-

1. bail out
2. bale out

wake me when it’s over 🙂

okay, let me riddle you a riddle.

how many ill-advised trips does it take to get from imbruglia to imbroglio?

wotjamean any clues? oh alright then

imbruglia: an antipodean popette/looker

imbroglio: a confused or perplexing political or interpersonal situation

obviously there’s no correct answer (yet) but give yourself a point if you said anywhere between 18 and 40.

distressing reports are emerging from news international in london where a tearful rebekah (sic) brooks addressed the gathered, should that be gobsmacked news of the world staff to announce, not her resignation, but their’s.

that’s all folks. david brent has left the building.

theresa may, mp god bless her
is something of a random dresser

what’s not to like about emily maitlis?
despite appearing almost weightless,
she very rarely fails to please
especially when she sits at 45 degrees.

and so to china where doubtless for the approval of uk and international audiences, prime minister david cameron raised the twin perennial bugbears, democracy and human rights during his trade visit to beijing, earlier today.

i understand that, consistent with the prc’s stock response whenever these matters are raised, the pm was given no assurances by either the chinese president or premier that any such reforms are under consideration, let alone Hu might take charge, or Wen they might begin.

okay, i know it’s childish, it’s just a bit of fun. 🙂

except for the poor buggers on the shit end of it.

in the interests of yourselves and all of the chinese people; be a mensch. 🙂

since i am offended by embroidered or exaggerated resumes i shall keep mine short and factual which i trust the reader will appreciate.

1983: born in the wagon of a travellin show.

i was an unremarkable child. though i’m told i did unnerve the midwife slightly. the story goes that whilst she was preparing to smack my arse i emerged reciting “pi = 3.14159265”.

apparently i similarly irritated my father who when i was just 9 days old, foolishly asked me what i would like for breakfast to which i replied “3.14159265 pies”. he never spoke to me after that.

happily, life took a turn for the better when (more…)

yes, just when you thought you were safe from plucky new entrants to the labour leadership race, word reaches me that a previously unknown brother has thrown his hat into the ring.

dark-horse steve millerband announces his audacious campaign, catchily straplined “i’m a joker, i’m a smoker, i’m a midnight toker” and looks likely to eclipse the lack-lustre efforts of his warring siblings in short order.

who’d o’ thought it?

so, in an amazing, last minute turn-up, diane abbott makes the list of labour-leadership candidates by the skin of her teeth.

the shy, retiring late-night political pundite having earlier received the backing of stand-in leader harriet harperson garnered more vital votes previously pledged to her only left-leaning opponent when he withdrew from the race.

charmingly, she also received the vote of front-running opponent david miliband, of the well-known duo ‘edband’. condescending? lui? he might as well have stabbed her in the eye with a fork.

of course the chances of an abbott victory are vanishingly small but her presence at the debates over the next three months (god help us) might at least introduce the few remaining blairites to some of the basics of socialism. or not 😉

at least she’ll add a touch of much-needed colour (none intended obv) to this otherwise bland line-up of westminster careerists and maybe give us a giggle or two along the way at their expense.

and in the event of her (certain) failure she has at least the comfort of her career as a concert pianist to fall back on.

middle ‘c’ anyone?