the new f1 season it’s got to be said
is already looking a bit of a shed!
with the changes in scoring already reversed
and cash drying up, the whole issue looks cursed.
and tell me the difference just while you’re there
between a short-handled mop and a billionaire.
i wanted a word about tony mcnulty
whose expenses are looking increasingly faulty.
a couple on over ΓΒ£300,000 a year?
can probably make ends meet, but oh dear, he’s another mp with his snout in the trough,
you’re a greedy embarrassment, just bugger-off!
when mandelson, once by protection enclustered,
was struck on the dial by a salvo of custard.
the great man, far-sightedly wearing a scarf
had reduced the potential for damage by half.
and thus he remained of sang-froid and unflustered.
the chance of attacking a minister’s slender
if police are on hand to repel the offender
but since mandy’s minders have long been forgot
our hero was there; his detectives were not
so she wanged him the custard and strolled off the plot.
he was taken aback as the miscreant lunged
but his suit, sharply-cut from the finest of worsted
had repelled almost all of the malcontent’s custard
so despite having been comprehensively gunged
he returned tout de suite with the custard expunged.
the chucker escaped with apparent impunity
but doesn’t hold undiplomatic immunity.
so let’s hope that soon she is brought into custody
where doubtless she’ll claim the missile was just custardy.
but what if some weapon of mass destruction had
been furtively mixed with this culinary emulsion.
though seemingly just a green-tinted comestible
it’s damaging effects might have been inestimable.
i’m sure he doesn’t mean to tire us
and when he wins it does inspire us,
but what’s up now? he’s got a virus?
how can his whinging fail to ire us?
is he a girl like miley cyrus?
you get on my nerves andy murray,
you live a life without a worry.
yet every match is labelled ‘tough’
which really is a lot of guff.
the passing-shot, the cross-court lob,
be grateful you don’t have a job.
so what, if now and then you ache?
your life’s a bloody piece of cake.
bad news once more for ldv
the future’s looking dark.
seems like it won’t be saved
by government or oligarch.
and what about the workers
the losers of the troika?
just raise a glass, and kick their ass,
glasnost and perestroyka!
(to the tune of mendelssohn’s mandelson’s 3rd symphony incarnation)
sir victor you should walk the plank,
your hbos acquisition stank.
by swallowing this poison pill,
you’ve made your own bank very ill.
you only have yourself to thank,
you wrote the cheque which screwed the bank.
you left the bloody figures blank!