rentarant.com

so, in an amazing, last minute turn-up, diane abbott makes the list of labour-leadership candidates by the skin of her teeth.

the shy, retiring late-night political pundite having earlier received the backing of stand-in leader harriet harperson garnered more vital votes previously pledged to her only left-leaning opponent when he withdrew from the race.

charmingly, she also received the vote of front-running opponent david miliband, of the well-known duo ‘edband’. condescending? moi? he might as well have stabbed her in the eye with a fork.

of course the chances of an abbott victory are vanishingly small but her presence at the debates over the next three months (god help us) might at least introduce the few remaining blairites to some of the basics of socialism. or not

at least she’ll add a touch of much-needed colour (none intended obv) to this otherwise bland line-up of westminster careerists and maybe give use a giggle or two along the way at their expense.

and in the event of her failure she has at least the comfort of her career as a concert pianist to fall back on.

middle ‘c’ anyone?

hearing sarah ferguson described this evening as ‘financially incontinent’ made me laugh. i couldn’t put it better whilst remaining polite if i tried.

other gems emerging today include suggestions that despite owing £100,000′s to all and sundry on both sides of the atlantic this deluded simpleton retains a staff of twelve!

i hope they make sure to get their no doubt trivial stipends in cash for their own sake.

on a lighter note news attributed to insiders suggests that her state-of-mind is fragile: no shit sherlock!

let’s hope she doesn’t risk further psychological damage by trying to get a handle on what happens to other people who spend money they haven’t got while carelessly lacking the opportunity to hawk access to a minor royal.

pass me a bucket, this one’s overflowing.

okay, bagsy be the first to name our new dynamic duo
caminick

okay so there’s a hint of lingerie about it. give us a break! there’s only so much you can do here. i mean

cleggeron? … snappy eh! clemeron? cagg? … even nicer! davnick? camleg?
not improving are they?

i’m sticking with ‘caminick’ and taking the blame, erm i mean credit. unless of course you know better.

what a sad debacle brown’s campaign visit to rochdale turned into. better still it was all his own work.

boy but he’s a dismal, preaching, boring, self-satisfied arse! on top of that he’s got a face like a robber’s dog.

(oops, sorry if i said anything like that, i forgot i was typing. find me somebody to blame. oh and make a note so i don’t forget to rip her head off later. oops am i still typing? shit! again.)

i can barely wait for tomorrow. why? because if the charmer’s decades-long record for re-announcing stuff if any guide he’ll give us this screw-up over again until his already lousy poll rating goes negative.

go on, pretty boy. give us a smile.

let’s face it, wayne rooney is the best footballer in britain; bar none. he could walk it. but he wouldn’t. see where i’m going here?

although he may not be the ultimate by any single measurement, as a package of skill, commitment, awareness, speed, strength, determination and a sheer willingness to go the extra mile, rooney is peerless.

it goes without saying, therefore that his value to manchester united goes beyond money. a player of his stature is impossible to replace, like-for-like.

so we’re all agreed: rooney’s a genius! but let’s try to remember that he’s also human. so, what do we do when wayne goes lame?

well because players like him don’t grow on trees to go out and find one is tricky to say the least: to say nothing about the cost and difficulty of liberating them from their existing obligations. at short order it’s impossible, not to mention outlawed by the league.

which brings us to the thorny subject of tevez.

if tevez did not want to play for man u, and who wouldn’t, i’ll pass my fags round! and as, effectively, a free agent it would surely have been well within the means, even of the glazer-strapped regime to have retained his invaluable services.

for the benefit of the slow-of-wit (not you surely?) i simply pose the question:-

what are manchester united short of for the remaining five games of the season?

who said carlos tevez? i’m with you!

over ‘ere son – on me head

following the football authorities’ entirely reasonable response to the blatant cheating of his player eduardo this week, arsene (i did not see it) wenger warns us that the introduction of tv reviews of play would be opening a dangerous door.

where to, froggie. somewhere where you would finally have “to see it” kicking and screaming if necessary?

i refer readers who have the honesty to “see it” to my earlier doggerel on the sickening subject of simulation in football.

they, like me are happy to call it cheating. and no doubt some rather-less polite names.

bonnet de douche mes amies.

well, swipe me, that’s one out of the blue!

could somerrdy point me tooow the bar twenty20 wages?

ayythankyoo.

the recurring theme among g8 publicity clips is of the great one (primus inter pares – of course) patting the backs of his co-religionists like some benign uncle. what’s that about then?

well, he’s on the opening leg and hoping that progress will be eased if he ingratiates himself with each of these transient irritants he has decided to do just that, by convincing them on-by-one that they’re his special friend. heart-warming and inconspicuous all at the same time.

who was it who said that “the secret of politics is sincerity. if you can fake that you’ve cracked it!”?

i don’t remember, but whoever it was, i’m with them.

cheeribye poppets.

i’ve given myself a headache.

i was trying to think of a single word for a senior member of a government, already in receipt of a handsome salary for doing next to bugger-all, and living rent-free in a whitehall apartment, claiming an allowance for a home in his constituency, while letting out his london flat to a private tenant. you know, a fine example of democratic socialism in action!

in my ignorance the best i could come up with was ‘hoon’.

now as all dedicated neighbours viewers will know, ‘hoon’ is a word used predominantly in australia and means roughly ‘a lout or hooligan’. so obviously it’s not really close enough. i’d have preferred something that meant more like shameless, greedy pig, but you get my drift.

but what are you moaning about? it’s all within the rules.

well, maybe it is. but if you stop and think about it, honestly, is it decent (decent: adj. definition: respectable; worthy) or is it putrid (putrid: adj. definition: foul-smelling; rotten)? you choose.

by the way, how many other areas of life can you name where the pigs are free to set the depth and abundance of their own trough? (alright then, other than bankers: we’ve done bankers). in your own time!

excuse me while i empty my sickbag.

and that latest, according to former rbs group chairman tom mckillop is that myners, the goverment minister in charge of the debacle, despite his evidence to the contrary at the commons select committee, was indeed told the size of goodwin’s pension pot, and of the effect of his being given early retirement instead of the more appropriate summary firing.

swipe me, how shocking!