wacko jacko snackos! a crunchy, tangy nacho-type snackette, baked to a rich golden brown on one side but pale-and-interesting on the other. just the thing for sad americans who’ll buy any old rubbish if you push their buttons in the right order, in their hour of need.

and for the impoverished uk fizzy drink market we surely need go no further than “jacko – the king of pop”, a deceptively tempting cola which actually tastes like warm windolene and turns white when you throw it up!

see, genius, without even trying!

but what’s that rumble in the distance? whoa it’s getting closer.

no worries it’s just the “jackson estate” dropping by to register an interest and collect it’s 15%, purely for the benefit of the princely kids you understand. not a bean for the distraught family or the posse of ambulance chasers who could smell a greenback at a thousand yards in a hurricane. hell no!

my mistake then.

shamone!

and if that wasn’t bad enough back comes natasha bedingfield! what’s all that about then? if musicians were cabbages this woman would be a brussels sprout there was some abject garbage on the earlier album but the current single offering takes crassness to a previously undiscovered level.

as if the pitiful excuse for a melody was not bad enough, let’s look at a typical lyric: “i’m in big, big, big, big ocean”. timeless! it says it all. or to be more precise, nothing at all!

bring back brother daniel, who, by contrast can craft and deliver a quality tune with very acceptable lyrics.

music: you either got it or you ain’t.

Speaking of which, Britney Spears and her new hairstyle!  What’s all that about then? OK so i’m the last person to mention it.  I only started my blog today muppet! This is just a test insult. Anyway, wigtastic! Though personally I preferred her old style, when she was bald. cueballtastic