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yes, always good value for money, peter, ‘scuse i, lord mandelson has done it again with the long-promised part-privatation of the royal mail.

in the teeth of bitter opposition from the rump of labour mps who still remember what socialism means our hero has assured us for months that the sell-off was a dead-cert.

well swipe me. out of the blue, the slippery little spinner now advises us that the essential sale is now off as he has found it impossible to negotiate a satisfactory price.

so, nothing to do with trying to appease the parliamentary labour party and keep the great leader in number 10 a bit longer then.

well obviously not!

bye for now pundits.

i’ve been absent again. go on, correct me! more! more!

but seriously ..ish i’ve been resisting all this brown bashing as much as i could. i mean, it’s so tempting it hurts, but it’s also what’s often described as “like shooting fish in a barrel”. where’s the achievement? it’s just too easy!

a less generous individual might say “never give a bum an even break”. for me though, this loser is worth less of my time and attention as every day passes. he spent his life yearning for this plum job and with characteristic aplomb, crow-barred it into his grasp just when it was turning to shit. but we’ve done this gargoyle to hell and and back.

much more interesting is surely gorgeous peter mandelson. you could stab this poppet through the heart with a graveyard-full of crosses every night of the week and he’d still fetch-up hale and hearty next morning assuring you that white, though possibly not entirely black is most certainly a deep charcoal grey.

and why wouldn’t you believe him? he’s had more come-backs than lazarus (mark lawrenson, match of the day, every week).

enough already, i’m off to the local elections count. i can’t wait.

it’s easy to take the piss and i don’t mind being first in the queue when the mood takes me.

but why is it that whatever brown touches turns crap-shaped? you can’t explain it but that’s just how it is. for example, he didn’t choose this speaker, for all i know he didn’t even want him; who knows, or cares?

but for me, brown reminds me of playing with plasticene: he’s the kid who mixes all the colours together and gets a ball of shit.

frankly, i don’t even like to think about the excesses and inequalities a new conservative government might bring but at least cameron is talking a good game by-and-large, and we can hope that continuing economic austerity might curb the worst.

if a week is a long time in politics then a year must be an age, but i still don’t think it’s long enough for gordon brown to come back into fashion.

you’re part of the problem man, push-off!

esther rantzen mp?

give us a break! don’t you think it’s bad enough already?

martin bell was alright, if you like that sort of thing, but really a bit of a stunt.

esther rantzen would be a stunt too far.

kindest regards,

cyril fletcher

the mystery of speaker martin,
the unwillingness of his departin’.
for those who do not understand
is the small matter of £100,000.

so farewell soon, speaker martin,
a laughing stock since day of startin’.
the spectacle was hard to bear,
when he was dragged into the chair.

(as quickly as his feet could carry him)
despite his long hours in the gym.

and though we wanted him to go he
just gave some lip to kate hoey.

(so he’s not all bad then)

what do you do in a case like gordon brown?

barely a month ago the whole country was trying to drag him from his lair and force him to utter the “s” word. like a recalcitrant schoolgirl he refused until the clamour became unbearable, finally letting it slip out on a building site when he thought nobody was listening.

how pathetic! ever more pathetic now however, having grasped the nettle he is leading the charge of insincere mea culpae over mp’s scummy expense claims like he’s suddenly discovered a new way of amassing brownie (see what i did there?) points. in his dreams!

sheep as a lamb, pretty boy: give us another grin!

catch you later sleaze funders.

ok i’m back, just in time to squeeze the last drop of piss out of brown before we leave behind the unremitting torments of april and move on to the sunny uplands of may.

it’s been a month, nay a year of humiliation for the government in general, and brown in particular and even today we shall see him dragged by mps, including many from his own side, kicking and screaming into changing/deferring/scrapping his ill-thought-out “plans” (haw-haw) to reform their expenses.

to be more accurate, which is frankly rather difficult in the circumstances, having dreamed up his ludicrous proposals on the back of the proverbial fag packet, then refused like a recalcitrant child to swallow the inevitable u-turn in the face of widespread derision, today, a rapt commons will be treated to harriet harperson performing procedural contortions of such epic stupidity that even brown might realise it. or more likely not.

as hey say “you couldn’t make it up!” and even if you could, you wouldn’t.

ever the moderniser, our revered and trusted leader has shown us the pathway out of the darkness, into the light, imperiously casting aside the hackneyed, variously ascribed mantra “never apologise, never explain” in favour of the timeless self-penned “never apologise, never apologise”.

a stroke of genius, it must be said, in particular by the 100 plus labour mp s who are now more certainly than ever, less than twelve grubbily-inflated pay packets away from a well-deserved p45.

if i were a foul-mouthed australian my advice to brown would be “pull out, digger, the dogs are pissing on your swag”.

but i’m not, so i apologise. but i’m not sorry.

gordon brown, on the emails sent by his strategist damian mcbride, said to include unsubstantiated slurs on david cameron and george osborne, among others.

keen as he is to trumpet his own personal decency, this childish activity, carried out at the taxpayers’ expense while the country quietly goes to hell on every front is yet another wake-up call for brown, who is fortunate that mcbride has now resigned. i trust that his choice of a successor, however unnecessary yet inevitable, will be better advised.

the most favorable interpretation of this kind of activity is that it is rooted in a desperation to cling on to power at whatever cost.

nonetheless, such unwarranted personal attacks are completely out of order in 21st century politics especially by some piggy-eyed creature with a face like a ripe fois gras.