wacko jacko snackos! a crunchy, tangy nacho-type snackette, baked to a rich golden brown on one side but pale-and-interesting on the other. just the thing for sad americans who’ll buy any old rubbish if you push their buttons in the right order, in their hour of need.

and for the impoverished uk fizzy drink market we surely need go no further than “jacko – the king of pop”, a deceptively tempting cola which actually tastes like warm windolene and turns white when you throw it up!

see, genius, without even trying!

but what’s that rumble in the distance? whoa it’s getting closer.

no worries it’s just the “jackson estate” dropping by to register an interest and collect it’s 15%, purely for the benefit of the princely kids you understand. not a bean for the distraught family or the posse of ambulance chasers who could smell a greenback at a thousand yards in a hurricane. hell no!

my mistake then.

shamone!