dark-horse steve millerband announces his audacious campaign, catchily straplined “i’m a joker, i’m a smoker, i’m a midnight toker” and looks likely to eclipse the lack-lustre efforts of his warring siblings in short order.

who’d o’ thought it?

is it me or is there a whiff of star trek about these boys? whatever, in the spirit of x factor i’m calling them ‘edband’.

(not to be confused with influential 1970s electronic music duo Tonto’s Expanding Head Band … it’s easily done

okay so there’s a hint of lingerie about it. give us a break! there’s only so much you can do here. i mean

cleggeron? … snappy eh! clemeron? cagg? … even nicer! davnick? camleg?
not improving are they?

i’m sticking with ‘caminick’ and taking the blame, erm i mean credit. unless of course you know better.

not that i’ve got anything (well not much) against our celtic friends but you have to wonder, particularly in these days of devolved parliaments, what they’re doing around the palace of westminster. (candidly, i’ve recently heard it suggested that they should ‘stop their ticklin’.)

anyhow, as luck would have it, at a glance, the answer thus far seems to be ‘not much’. what a refreshing change!

of course there is bound to be the odd fly-in-the-ointment (or should that be fox-in-the-chicken-run?) but i’ll live with that if you will.

don’t mind if i do: gie’s a pint o’ heavy.

“a new microphone has been put in place…”

how could one resist “… has it not?”

boy but he’s a dismal, preaching, boring, self-satisfied arse! on top of that he’s got a face like a robber’s dog.

(oops, sorry if i said anything like that, i forgot i was typing. find me somebody to blame. oh and make a note so i don’t forget to rip her head off later. oops am i still typing? shit! again.)

i can barely wait for tomorrow. why? because if the charmer’s decades-long record for re-announcing stuff if any guide he’ll give us this screw-up over again until his already lousy poll rating goes negative.

go on, pretty boy. give us a smile.

if a picture of morley (to the best of my knowledge the only mp whose constituency name includes a description of themself) is not enough to make the hard-pressed taxpayer puke, this surely will.

we can only look forward to the day they are sent down for the stretches they so richly deserve, and, i trust, are obliged to disgorge these (further ill-gotten) public funds.

(if guilty, obviously. none intended, obviously)

giv’em the rope

despite reports that the attacker is a nutter i cannot but heartily congratulate him on his choice of both target and missile.

the public’s elimination of talented, elegant, leggy bill-actress ali bastion in favour of some cheruplegic sports monkey made my normally tepid blood boil. (well it warmed-up a bit)

i would have spat the dummy if my minders had not dipped it in special brew.

to be honesht i have not been sho angry shince the lasht time they forgot to dip my dummy in shpecial brew.

mine’sh a pint.

oh but they go on and arse this lack-lustre opposition from down-under. down-and-out more like.

bring’em on for the third test! where’s your bowlers you bunch of girls? left ‘em all back in ramsey street? easy street more like.

ship out diggers, the dingoes are pissin’ on your swag.

(none intended, obviously)

ta-ta!