(can’t be bothered to crowbar-in olive branches or wooden horses, sozz) anyway here’s those proposed referendum options in full:-

1. bail out
2. bale out

wake me when it’s over

how many ill-advised trips does it take to get from imbruglia to imbroglio?

wotjamean any clues? oh alright then

imbruglia: an antipodean popette/looker

imbroglio: a confused or perplexing political or interpersonal situation

obviously there’s no correct answer (yet) but give yourself a point if you said anywhere between 18 and 40.

though oft in cold and winter gloom her
scripts suggest a sense of humour.
but the trick which seems to most enamour her
is pointing her left shoulder towards the camera.

theresa may, mp god bless her
is something of a random dresser

dark-horse steve millerband announces his audacious campaign, catchily straplined “i’m a joker, i’m a smoker, i’m a midnight toker” and looks likely to eclipse the lack-lustre efforts of his warring siblings in short order.

who’d o’ thought it?

is it me or is there a whiff of star trek about these boys? whatever, in the spirit of x factor i’m calling them ‘edband’.

(not to be confused with influential 1970s electronic music duo Tonto’s Expanding Head Band … it’s easily done

okay so there’s a hint of lingerie about it. give us a break! there’s only so much you can do here. i mean

cleggeron? … snappy eh! clemeron? cagg? … even nicer! davnick? camleg?
not improving are they?

i’m sticking with ‘caminick’ and taking the blame, erm i mean credit. unless of course you know better.

not that i’ve got anything (well not much) against our celtic friends but you have to wonder, particularly in these days of devolved parliaments, what they’re doing around the palace of westminster. (candidly, i’ve recently heard it suggested that they should ‘stop their ticklin’.)

anyhow, as luck would have it, at a glance, the answer thus far seems to be ‘not much’. what a refreshing change!

of course there is bound to be the odd fly-in-the-ointment (or should that be fox-in-the-chicken-run?) but i’ll live with that if you will.

don’t mind if i do: gie’s a pint o’ heavy.

“a new microphone has been put in place…”

how could one resist “… has it not?”

boy but he’s a dismal, preaching, boring, self-satisfied arse! on top of that he’s got a face like a robber’s dog.

(oops, sorry if i said anything like that, i forgot i was typing. find me somebody to blame. oh and make a note so i don’t forget to rip her head off later. oops am i still typing? shit! again.)

i can barely wait for tomorrow. why? because if the charmer’s decades-long record for re-announcing stuff if any guide he’ll give us this screw-up over again until his already lousy poll rating goes negative.

go on, pretty boy. give us a smile.