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March 25, 2009

my great new game show idea

Filed under: just whinging,the bleedin' obvious,tv — anne thrope (miss) @ 9:09 am

okay suckers, prepare to be dazzled; i’ve had an idea for a great new tv game show.

“what’s the winning format?” you’re saying. alright already, let’s choose some lucky contestants first.

yeah, they’re lucky alright because they only need (1) an iq in single figures and (2) not to have been locked-up for their own safety. anyhow, once we have steered enough of these fame-hungry jar-heads into the tv studio the game can begin.

here’s how it works: each brain-donor, scuse i, great contestant has to gaze ernestly at the outsides of a series of randomly numbered shit bags, pretending that any one of them has any significance whatsoever.

now, strap yourselves in because here’s where the killer format really kicks-in. for each shit bag, the preening, self-obsessed host with a joke 1960’s hairstyle, geography teacher beard and personality lifts enquires of the knuckle-dragger “shit, or no shit?”

needless to say the pond-life, after trying monosyllabically to build up their parts are persuaded to give it their best shot, i mean shit.

when they’ve all done this so many times that the average viewer will have fallen into an irreversible coma, assuming they weren’t in one before their carer tuned-in for them, a highly-trained shit-counter with an iq in double figures goes to work, advising the host as to who guessed correctly most times, and they get to take all the shit home.

of course, in reality the winner will always be the one who guessed “shit” most times, because obviously, it’s all shit!

holy shit, or no shit, it’s a winner! where do i sign? πŸ˜‰

March 24, 2009

new grand prix season begins sunday

Filed under: doggerel,just whinging,sport — anne thrope (miss) @ 7:07 pm

the new f1 season it’s got to be said
is already looking a bit of a shed!
with the changes in scoring already reversed
and cash drying up, the whole issue looks cursed.
and tell me the difference just while you’re there
between a short-handled mop and a billionaire.

tony mcnulty — more mp expenses sleaze

Filed under: doggerel,just whinging,politics — anne thrope (miss) @ 6:55 pm

i wanted a word about tony mcnulty
whose expenses are looking increasingly faulty.
a couple on over Β£300,000 a year?
can probably make ends meet, but oh dear,
he’s another mp with his snout in the trough,
you’re a greedy embarrassment, just bugger-off!

do it now.

March 22, 2009

fatty clarke – shame on you

Filed under: brevity,just whinging,politics — anne thrope (miss) @ 4:33 pm

back in the day i used to be a fan of your smooth urbanity and maverick style.

but particularly, as a former secretary of state for health to make a mint from the misery and death caused by cigarettes is deeply disgusting.

you should be ashamed of yourself.

fatty clarke ha ha ha

Filed under: brevity,just whinging,politics — anne thrope (miss) @ 4:25 pm

note to david cameron and his squeaking friend:

although it might seem like inspired leadership to bolster your already-winning squad with a big beast from the past, beware.

if he’s as big a beast as this he’s just as likely to roll over you and make you look rather foolish.

ta-ta πŸ˜‰

March 19, 2009

jozef fritzl – aka wiener shitz’l – aka strudel ringbinder

Filed under: brevity,just whinging,the bleedin' obvious — anne thrope (miss) @ 1:49 pm

so the pariah of austria finally pleads guilty after being forced to watch video tapes of his daughter describing the 24 year ordeal to which he subjected her apparently without a moment’s suspicion on the part of his family, the public, local or health authorities.

i smell a rat here and suspect somebody other than this fiend may have something to answer for.

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March 18, 2009

western basketball — arguably-mental chef

Filed under: just whinging — anne thrope (miss) @ 3:42 pm

abject apologies to all our avid readers for an unavoidable ten-day absence which i don’t doubt has brought many of you close to the point of despair. all is well my children, i’m back.

“but wherefore your absence great one?”, i hear you cry. rest easy little ones, i’ll tell all.

last week, out of the blue, i was laid low by a malady so indescribably bad as to be indescribable (and bad). it was not until a full 48 hours of my agonies had elapsed that i began to connect my plight with a recent visit to “everything including the quack”, the gastro-pub of celebrated marginally-mental chef aston colemanballs.

this exotic sojurn, possible only by the largesse of a well-heeled acquaintance had been the highlight of my social calendar for minutes, so imagine if you will, my delight, when we were personally greeted at the door by the great man himself, improbably wearing only a single caper.

admittedly a little taken-aback i enquired hesitantly “what’s this about then?” “caper dressing obviously” retorted the deranged one indignantly.

and thus, bonhommie discarded seamlessly in favour of brisk discourtesy our host left us in the hands of an egregious maitre d’. “menu cur?” he slithered with mock civility.

and there it was, in all it’s glory! i’ve copied it below for your perusal whilst i continue my recovery. look and wonder!

a la dustcart menu

starters

crap and carrot confit
minted brie and beetroot bollocks
devilled spanners in a rag-rug jus
cello and moorhen roulade with beurre blanc

mains

tuscan baked sea bass on a bed of nails
seared green sandal with a chervil and duracell tapenade
dead pheasant with cat litter quenelles and a lemsip reduction
michael portillo a la bonne femme
egg and chips

sweets

cherry cheesecake with a biltong ganache
tarte au citron with daddy’s sauce
a choice of penny chews
would you like any cash back

whichever of these epicurean sensations it is your privilege to experience you really must not miss the signature “empty wallet fool”. have no fear: no diner leaves without being treated to this unforgettable confection.

chef’s special of the day: rbs hung out to dry with elephant hide and a fred goodwin sauce, on a bed of government incompetance

(weddings, christenings, barmitzvahs all catered for. we come to you. prices to suit all budgets. open daily morning, noon and night. booking unadvisable. check before travelling as we are sometimes closed unexpectedly)
bye for now poppets πŸ˜‰

March 7, 2009

lloyds tsb – the other shoe has landed – in full

Filed under: brevity,business,just whinging,politics — anne thrope (miss) @ 2:10 am

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lord mandelson shrugs-off creme anglaise attack

Filed under: doggerel,just whinging,politics — anne thrope (miss) @ 2:01 am

when mandelson, once by protection enclustered,
was struck on the dial by a salvo of custard.
the great man, far-sightedly wearing a scarf
had reduced the potential for damage by half.
and thus he remained of sang-froid and unflustered.

the chance of attacking a minister’s slender
if police are on hand to repel the offender
but since mandy’s minders have long been forgot
our hero was there; his detectives were not
so she wanged him the custard and strolled off the plot.

he was taken aback as the miscreant lunged
but his suit, sharply-cut from the finest of worsted
had repelled almost all of the malcontent’s custard
so despite having been comprehensively gunged
he returned tout de suite with the custard expunged.

the chucker escaped with apparent impunity
but doesn’t hold undiplomatic immunity.

so let’s hope that soon she is brought into custody
where doubtless she’ll claim the missile was just custardy.

but what if some weapon of mass destruction had
been furtively mixed with this culinary emulsion.
though seemingly just a green-tinted comestible
it’s damaging effects might have been inestimable.

or not πŸ˜‰

March 6, 2009

lord mandelson in vile green custard attack drama

Filed under: just whinging,politics,sport — anne thrope (miss) @ 11:40 am

ever media savvy, peter mandelson instinctively rotated away from the camera today following a vile green custard attack.

the attack, believed to have been carried out by a vile green custard attacker, was vile and green. thankfully, due only to the the presence of mind of the great man, a full-frontal photographic record of the vile green outcome was avoided.

in a way it will be a shame not to have the full green vileness preserved for posterity, still we have enough.


but consider this. where was the spinmeister’s security while all this vile greenness was kicking-off? suppose the vile green attacker’s weapon of choice had been something vile green and toxic instead of something vile green and custardy: where would we all be now?

tell me that if you can.

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