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March 18, 2009

western basketball — arguably-mental chef

Filed under: just whinging — anne thrope (miss) @ 3:42 pm

abject apologies to all our avid readers for an unavoidable ten-day absence which i don’t doubt has brought many of you close to the point of despair. all is well my children, i’m back.

“but wherefore your absence great one?”, i hear you cry. rest easy little ones, i’ll tell all.

last week, out of the blue, i was laid low by a malady so indescribably bad as to be indescribable (and bad). it was not until a full 48 hours of my agonies had elapsed that i began to connect my plight with a recent visit to “everything including the quack”, the gastro-pub of celebrated marginally-mental chef aston colemanballs.

this exotic sojurn, possible only by the largesse of a well-heeled acquaintance had been the highlight of my social calendar for minutes, so imagine if you will, my delight, when we were personally greeted at the door by the great man himself, improbably wearing only a single caper.

admittedly a little taken-aback i enquired hesitantly “what’s this about then?” “caper dressing obviously” retorted the deranged one indignantly.

and thus, bonhommie discarded seamlessly in favour of brisk discourtesy our host left us in the hands of an egregious maitre d’. “menu cur?” he slithered with mock civility.

and there it was, in all it’s glory! i’ve copied it below for your perusal whilst i continue my recovery. look and wonder!

a la dustcart menu

starters

crap and carrot confit
minted brie and beetroot bollocks
devilled spanners in a rag-rug jus
cello and moorhen roulade with beurre blanc

mains

tuscan baked sea bass on a bed of nails
seared green sandal with a chervil and duracell tapenade
dead pheasant with cat litter quenelles and a lemsip reduction
michael portillo a la bonne femme
egg and chips

sweets

cherry cheesecake with a biltong ganache
tarte au citron with daddy’s sauce
a choice of penny chews
would you like any cash back

whichever of these epicurean sensations it is your privilege to experience you really must not miss the signature “empty wallet fool”. have no fear: no diner leaves without being treated to this unforgettable confection.

chef’s special of the day: rbs hung out to dry with elephant hide and a fred goodwin sauce, on a bed of government incompetance

(weddings, christenings, barmitzvahs all catered for. we come to you. prices to suit all budgets. open daily morning, noon and night. booking unadvisable. check before travelling as we are sometimes closed unexpectedly)
bye for now poppets 😉

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